I’ve already discussed my bullying story at a bit of a length . It’s not a part of my life I like to think about, but it still affects me in so many ways that I can never forget it.
If I had to write all of them a letter?
I know that we’re adults now and that we were silly teenagers back then and that you never “meant” to do any of what you did. I suppose you didn’t know better.
But still, you did it, and feeling sorry for it now won’t make it go away.
What if I had been your younger sister, your little brother? Would you have beaten up the boys, scared off the girls, that were tormenting me? But I was no one’s little sister. I was everybody’s punching bag, though.
I don’t want to use the “I’m better than you” argument now. I’m not better than anyone. But this thought was the only one that kept me from suicide back then. So forgive me for holding on to it for a little while longer.
I haven’t moved on. I don’t know that I ever will. I can be at the other end of the country and it still hurts. But I can’t afford to blame all of you anymore. Maybe this pain is such a part of my identity that I’m not willing to let go of it yet.
So, even though I don’t blame you anymore… I can’t forgive you. The pain will reduce as I get older, but my soul will remain forever bruised by your actions.
Not so sincerely,
So… this is it. I don’t have much to say to them, actually. I thought this would be an outpouring of feelings, but I already did that in my earlier post. All I have left is bitterness and a desire to forget. But forgive? I don’t think so.