Reverb11 Day 12: 12 Things I Don’t Need

What are 12 things your life doesn’t need in 2012? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 12 things change your life?

Let’s see if I can do this one…

1. Guilt: This is something I want to get it rid of very badly. I tend to feel guilt for things done and not done, for hurting friends and family without meaning to. I want to learn to let go, forgive myself and accept others’ forgiveness.

2. Money worries: This one is more or less out of my control, but I’ve been a bad spender in tough times. I need to control my budget better and start paying my debts.

3. Drinking: Well, I actually don’t want to get rid of drinking totally, but my life could use a lot less of it. I tend to indulge when I’m unhappy, but I realize it really quickly and diminish my drinking. But I want to have more self-control generally.

4. Eating: I go in weird phases with my eating, just like drinking. I’ll have crazy binges where I’ll have bread and cheese and cold cuts, and then I’ll go through a lean phase when I eat almost nothing for days. What I really want is to find a diet that satisfies me and keeps me healthy without feeling like deprivation.

5. Death: My two grandmothers died this year. I wasn’t there either time. Death is a normal part of life but it’s also a hard challenge every time.

6. Self-doubt: I’m a self-doubter, despite my upfront and sometimes rash nature. I question important decisions for days, and still question them months after sometimes. I need to be more steady and decided in my life.

7. Heartbreak: This year has been incredibly difficult emotionally. I came close to losing the most important relationship of my life twice. So this is not only my heartbreak, but his as well. I want happiness and trust and love.

8. Moving: I’m tired of moving. I moved 3 times this year. I am moving ONE LAST TIME early next year, hopefully, and then I’m done for a while. Moving is exhausting and I feel rootless and homeless.

9. Homesickness: This is kind of related to number 8. I’ve been really homesick because I’ve been lost, without an anchor, and of course home is the first thing you want in these moments. But it’s now time to build my own home somewhere.

10. Comparing myself to others: I wish I knew everything and could do anything. It would make my job search much easier. But I have skills and knowledge of my own that make me unique and special, and comparing myself to others just isn’t the right way to feel good about myself.

11. Procrastination: No matter how much I try to train out of myself, I’m a procrastinator. I don’t know a lot of writers who aren’t. I just find it really challenging to have a schedule while working from home, and I can’t afford to rent a coworking space. So at this point it’s really a matter of will and discipline (or of finding a job with a regular schedule)

12. Distractions: This goes with procrastination I suppose. I’m distracted by a lot of things: Twitter, stress, TV, video grames. Without a fixed schedule though it’s really hard to control how much of these things I do every day. I need to plan my time like I did in my last months in Edmonton.

So that’s it for what I want less of next year–sorry for the lateness, I was completely exhausted yesterday and couldn’t finish in time. So you’ll have two Reverb posts today!

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1 Comment

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One response to “Reverb11 Day 12: 12 Things I Don’t Need

  1. I feel exactly the same ways for specifically #s 2,4,6,10,11 and 12, however I think I beat your ass in the procrastination department, I am far worse ;) I like your TV diet idea, I need to do this. I am definitely a TV and movie junkie (t’is the opiate of the masses).

    I didn’t entirely realize how hard you are on yourself. Just like you cannot assume other people are better, smarter or more interesting etc than you (I do this ridiculous and self-destructive thing too), you cannot assume the guilt you feel is actually justifiable. It seems we are both self destructive in similar ways (but aren’t we all – and if someone is incapable of feeling bad about themselves, they’re probably a sociopath). Maybe if I can figure out a specific plan to get over or lessen a particular self-destructive behavior, like self-guilt tripping, buying things I cannot afford or physically harmful habits (I really really really need to stop smoking :( among other things).

    Anyway, thanks for this post, and hugs.

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