Write right

I’ve written dozens of essays. I’m sure if I counted them, only for my 3 years of English undergrad… average of 2 per class, 5 classes a semester, 6 semesters… 60 essays. I’ve probably agonized for hours over every single one of them. For some reason, I really hate writing essays.

But then there’s this childhood dream of mine of becoming somewhat of a novelist. I am aware that it’s the dream of A WHOLE DAMN LOT of people to be published creative writers. I have no creative writing training, unlike my soon to be  successful playwright boyfriend. I’ve read twice as many novels as I’ve written essays. I should know how a novel is constructed. But I find myself at a real loss when I get this desire for writing that always ends up into… nothing.

My boyfriend tells me that it’ll come when I have something to say. On Sunday, he wanted to go to the gym, but he got inspired and wrote for the whole afternoon instead.This doesn’t happen to me. I have vague ideas for plots that I may be interested in developing, but nothing more.

I wrote a “novel” when I was about 8 years old. It was about a new mayor setting up new bylaws that were so silly my characters had to move every month to avoid paying their rent. I can’t quite remember how it finished. In 6th grade I wrote a 600-word Halloween story that was praised by my teacher for weeks after. During my teens I made a few attempts at erotica that weren’t so good. Since then every time I have tried to write even a completed story, I gave up after a page or two.

One of my undergrad profs once told me I’d become a creative writer, one day, when I get bored of academia. I don’t think I’m bored of academia yet… I may just be bored generally. And every day for the past week I’ve been pining and thinking but I feel so paralyzed. It’s like I’m expecting to write the next Middlemarch when I know I am far, far away from that kind of genius.

People everywhere on the web are being witty and creative and do interesting things and all I can really spend the time to write about is my boring little life.

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4 Comments

Filed under Personal

4 responses to “Write right

  1. I know how you feel. I have outline notes for my great Canadian Novel but I never seem to get around to committing to writing. it. In my case it seems like my everyday life just gets in the way. I’ve got more responsibilities than I have hours in the day. Writing falls to the bottom of my to-so list so far that it falls right off.

  2. dmariemart

    I going to participate in NaNoWriMo in November – http://www.nanowrimo.org/ – why don’t you join me? We can trade posts on the pain of writing. You can get a bit of a start now by grabbing a NaNoWriMo banner and creating an account at the site.

    • Anabelle

      Don’t worry about the typos — my grammar is far from perfect in everything I write. Syntax problems, switching tenses… ah, the joys of being francophone.

      Anyway, yeah I heard about nanowrimo but unfortunately I’ll probably be in paper writing mode at this time, as it will be the end of the semester… and I have a conference in San Francisco, too… and a thesis… and PhD applications… *cry*

  3. dmariemart

    BTW, I hate when there are typos in comments/posts that I write. Excuse the first word of the above comment. :-)

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